In need of someone to dissect the dazzling world of fashion in Saigon, I called upon the only person I know fit for this Special Correspondent assignment, Chanel Skidmark. Chanel is based in Nuuk, the capital of Greenland. She works as a PR for Greenland Tourism and as Fashion Editor/Adviser here at noodlepie. So, what’s hot with the hip and hip with the hot on the Saigon streets this summer?
If I had to use one word to describe the Saigon streetscene it’d be ‘streetchic pyjama casual’ That’s actually three words, but this is the fashionosphere and I can express myself in an annoying manner if I please. And I do. Moreover, in Greenland we speak Eskimo, Danish and Greenlandic and have three words for every one of yours.
This season’s Silver Classics collection is informed, hardy and
replete with rough hewn fabrics that breathe a subdued yet
authoritative air much like the clean, crisp, cfc free air of
Greenland. Pensioners Kylie and Latoya, seen pictured right, stride the streets with a
confidence that only age, experience and a robust pair of pyjamas can
give. It’s a look that says, "Greenland is the world’s largest island.
It’s three times the size of Texas, but with a population of less than
60,000." It’s the kind of tough street image you need to survive in a
dangerous city like Saigon. Nuuk is crime free,
Greenlanders are very friendly and enjoy folksong and weaving. Dunno
about you, but I think Kylie and Latoya look as snug as a Sisimiut shepherd grunting behind the clenched rear end of an accomodating West Greenland Musk Ox.
Sherry, pictured left, is from Bristol. Her cream eating pet tarantula’s called Harvey hence her name. Sherry’s straddling a scooter powered by pure walrus gas piped direct from Greenland. Shades of seaside deckchair are set off by 1970’s curtain fabric influences resulting in something that aspires to world famous handwoven Greenlandic polar knitwear but ends up screaming "off-gherkins". The addition of a sunshine beach hat, while an inspired choice of city wear, gives Sherry something of a two fuel rods short of a nuclear power station industrial feel. Greenland uses a combination of gannet guana and methane produced from sustainable elk herds to heat our beautiful towns and villages. The Sherry look is a brave one that yearns to say, "I’m in command of my scooter" but ends up saying "Greenland’s Inuit miorities traverse the perilous, yet captivating glacial tundra of this beguiling land on horseback to sell waxed oxen hair door to door."
The buzz on the swanky streets of Qaanaaq is crackling with one word this season; moose, muuse, moushe. Greenlanders have a love affair with moose hide and with tourists too. Book your holiday before the end of June and get 25% off all hotels and a complimentary moosemeat steak diane thrown in. Moose-hide has yet to trickle on to the Saigon streets. Ferrari red, floral motifs and go-faster stripes seem to be the standard street pattern. But I don’t think it’s working for Krystal, who we can see sashaying through the market looking for raddish, a bag of spuds and premium quality dried squid imported from Greenland. The whizzbang stripes that cut across her red 80% polyester, 20% cottton combo accentuate her inquiring look while simultaneously begging the question, "Can I see inside your ingenious geodesic igloo-esque living quarters?"
Finally we have Floramarina. She’s modelling a black two-piece consisting of Stanley Matthews style panties combined with a sheer satin top. This get-up would be a guaranteed nipple sharpener for Greenland’s all-female Olympic medal winning dog sleigh team… brrr… No way you’ll find this slutty slip on bustling Nuuk fish market. Greenlandic women are renowned for going at it like a pneumatic drill between the reindeer skins. However, they prefer a more conservative outward appearance when shopping for the week’s supply of delicious locally produced dried halibut and roast puffin. Floramarina boasts a vigorous look that says, "What with the excitement of a 3 nights/4 days all inclusive deal at the Hotel Sisimiut I completely forgot to put my clothes on. Ooh… and I think I just wet myself."
Many thanks to Chanel Skidmark for her analysis of Saigon fashionistas. I certainly learned a lot and I hope you did too. Is Vietnam the only country that boasts a streetchic pyjama casual look? Quite possibly. Chanel has promised to look into the unbelievable yet true story behind the gravity defying male Vietnamese side parting for a future edition of Special Correspondent.