The bollocks on burgers - Part I

'The Underground Burger' from The Underground restaurant at 69 Dong Khoi street in District 1 came highly recommended by a friend. I'm asked how I'd like my meat - medium, rare or well done - I went for well done. I don't know why I did that, but I did. Suffice to say, well done means it's kinda dry, black and hard looking. Like Vinnie Jones.... Grrr. The Underground Burger is described in the menu in detail. I've edited it to make it more factual. "Our 1/3 pound (Really? Wow. Big.) lean ground beef patties are seasoned and patted out by hand (Is there another way? Is there such a thing as a burger patting machine?Just a thought) and cooked to your request (How thoughtful). Comes inside a lightly toasted (sweet tasting shitty) bun smeared with mustard (That's a whopping great lie. The mustard comes in a sidedish). Topped with lettuce, tomato, onion (Make that fried onion - there is a difference for us waistline watchers) and ketchup (Where? Not on this plate. As The Thompson Twins once said, 'Lies, lies, lies - yeah-eah'. Show me the ketchup, babe...)" 85,000VD. Add cheddar or 'bleu" cheese for an extra 15,000VD. Decent fries. hand cut jobbies I reckon. The burger is stodge. It fills, but there's no frills. There's gotta be better in this town, surely? I understand the Americans were here for a brief while after all. On balance I think going well done was dumb. I'd come back for another, but medium/rare could well be the way to go.

The Ciao Cafe chain - which interestingly many Vietnamese pronounce see-oww which I think sounds better - serves up an interesting burger. Tepid fries accompany the ground beef pattie topped with tomato, onion, bacon, egg, plastic cheese and lettuce. Gulp. This isn't a burger, it's an endurance test. It comes with a ketchup side dish. No real flavour in this burger, although I'm lovin' the stodgefest of hot cheese and meat. But the burger needs more of a dive into the seasoning section of the kitchen than the glancing blow this specimen appears to have received. The bun does suffer from 'damping' - a phenomenon specific to burgers where meatjuice and sauce combos join forces in a soggy war on bread. It's an unpleasant find in a burger. What with the egg, bacon et al, there's a bit too much going on here for my liking. And it's not as effective a meatfix as The Underground. Costs 55,000VD. Ciao have various branches around town. 21-23 Nguyen Thi Minh Khai street is one.

Meanwhile, Cafe Terrace at 65 Le Loi street housed in the basement of the Saigon Centre serves up this creation. It's listed as a 'Spicy Beef Burger - with sour cream, lettuce, tomato relish' and costs 65,000VD. It arrives encased in a sesame seed covered glossy bun - exotic. The burger is black, very black. A neat side of fries and, like previous scores, we get rabbit food. What IS that all about? I know I'm ordering a burger - a lard laden feast for my arteries - I don't need a winsome salad looking up at me nag-nag-nagging 'You're fat, you're fat and you're only getting fatter and then you're going to die 'cos your so fat. Fatty'. I cover the salad with a napkin and get stuck in. Where's the spice in 'spicy'? Dunno. I can't taste any. The sour cream/relish combo isn't really rocking my world and the sesame bun is a tad doughy. I think a light bun is important. It's like a road sign directing you to the fun fair. It just needs to do its job and not make a song and dance about being there. Cafe Terrace's burger is unremarkable. However, they do a rather good goi cuon. I recommend.

One noodlepie reader emailed me about this place. Plus a message on a Saigon teacher forum I stumbled across one day also pointed me in the same direction - Z's Beer-Food Restaurant at 115 Bui Vien street in District 1. On arrival I'm greeted by The Human League song Fascination. It's not the best start, but proprietor John, an American from Massachusettes, soon regales me with tales of Vietnamese bureaucracy, somewhere called Loser's alley, paranoia and... burgers - hehe - I'm here for the burger. Z's burger With Cheese to be exact. It's John's secret recipe. Although he did admit that one other person, a friend's wife, is also in on the secret as she has the task of making the patties at Z's. "Ground beef and seasoning" is as much as John will tell me about his secret burger. It arrives with a tub of coleslaw and with "mayonaise, lettuce, tomatoes and fresh onions" The restaurant does suffer from waitress twitch. Make a gesture, look in their direction and quicker than a dose of clap can circumnavigate a Turkish bordello a waitress is at your side. In brief. Z's burger rocks. Freshly cooked, meaty, tasty. I'll even say it tastes healthy. And that's rare in a burger. No fries or nowt. And no medium, rare or well done options - which on reflection would've been nice.  This joint is deep in backpackerville, but don't let that put you off. 40,000VD. Nice advertising slogan too - 'No McShit' - Follow the burgerstream. Part II will (probably) follow in due course.

Comments

[omih]

I think I've said this before but to my money R & R's Burger is the finest in Hanoi. Largely because there's no bloody beetroot in it. But it's a relatively no frills job that is better than everyone else's burger that seem so over stuffed that they fall apart on you.

I seem to recall visiting the Underground place a few years while I was backpacking in Vietnam. I believe they served a cocktail called Agent Orange. That was a huge turn off.

Anyway I am off to Al Frescos this evening. I'd given up on them a while ago but fell again for their two for one pizza offer on a Tuesday. There seems to be a dramatic improvement in taste.

[Mr. NoStarWhere]

OMIH, agreed, R&R serves the best burger I've had in Hanoi. I used to spend way too much time there, especially on Friday nights when the White Eagles played a set or two into the night. Their guitarist is pretty damn good.

As for Al Fresco's, burgers are good but never enjoyed their pizza too much, though the Mediterranean is nice.

Pieman, you wrote, "Make that fried onion - thee is a difference for us waistline watchers..."

Ha, I'm not sure that fried onions are your problem if you're eating a 1/3 pound hamburger. Reminds me of my teenage days when I once spent a summer working at McDonald's. Never failed to amuse me when people would supersize their Big Mac meal but order a diet coke.

As for HCMC burgers, I'd still give Annie's a shot. I hear it's good. And I really found Chi's quite alright. I'm guessing one of the cowboy joints do them right, or even Bourbon St., but I can't handle the decor in those places for too long, at least the one where the waitresses where cowboy hats.

[Mr. NoStarWhere]

Pieman, do you like CIAO? I've eaten there more than I'd like, but that's because there is one close to work so I have given them more than their fair of opp's. The tuna sandwich has no tuna, same goes for the salmon mayo sandwich, with its lack of salmon. The tuna salad is reasonably decent but not compared to those you can get elsewhere in the city. The fish n' chips, oh, the fish n' chips were not good. Only thing I can say is reasonable there is the fried eggs plus hashbrown, and that's largely because of the relatively cheap price (25.000).

[pieman]

I don't think I ever had the R&R burger, but I do remember American friends digging it. What I did like there was 'Russel's nachos' - tnat was fab. And like you NoStar, I used to go on a Friday, but many years ago, 1998 before I got bored of that kinda scene.

As we discussed somewhere int he comments before, Al Fresco's and others are coming up - all in good time. thx again for furthe tips :)

No, I don't really like Ciao. I just got into a habit of going there with a friend who worked nearby one branch. The pluspoint of a place like that is that you it's quiet, it's comforable, it's airconned and you can sit and natter away quite happily for hours. I love my streetstalls and wotnot, but you don't gett the same vibe :)

The fish n chips are not good are they... But you know I did go through a period of , "well if that's alll there is, fine" Now I make my own - hehe. Noodlegirl rates their pho, of all things. But I can't really say I really diog anything they do. Coca-cola? Oh, when their expreso machine works, that's good... seriously

[Mr. NoStarWhere]

Yeah, their espresso isn't bad. Neither is their lime juice. Seriously.

I've said it before but I will do so again, I recommend the smoked salmon pizza at the Underground. Had it last night, tasty as always.

[pieman]

A more cynical blogger than I would think you're on commission Mr NoStar - Underground and Cali Works are on your payroll I know they are :)

[Mr. NoStarWhere]

And Juice, don't forget them. :)

If only...

[pieman]

Anymore for anymore? You restaurant whore you.

BTW - if you haven't already - and you say you work nearby I think - try the banh trang phoi suong on Nguyen Van Thu street.

I had it again yesterday with a popular bloggers Jason Kottke - http://www.kottke.org/ and Megnut - http://www.megnut.com/ - who were very pleasant company, by the way. The dish just grows on me more and more... much like the forest of herbs that come with it...

[Mr. NoStarWhere]

I'll give it a shot. In fact, I don't think I've ever had that dish before.

Oh yes, and did I mention Le Jardin, one of my favorite little restaurants in Saigon. They could pay me in goat cheese salads to advertise for them.

[Mr. NoStarWhere]

Weird, I wondered where I recognized 'Megnut' from... I just checked the page and remembered. My friend Eric works for Blogger in SF. He thus knows the other founders and employees at what was once Pyra Labs (Evan, Jason, etc) and is now at Blogger, under Google's watchful eye. I must have clicked off one of those guy's links and onto her page once. Small world.

[pieman]

I too like Le jardin. Lovely little spot - so logn as you've got a mossie coil under the table.

It is a small world innit? I was out with another guy a while back whose friend's sister in NY was dating my friend's cousin. OK - a bit convaluted that one, but I think we dig each other's drift , yeah?

[r. streitmatter-tran]

I would say the only burger I've really enjoyed in saigon is at Mogambo's on Bis Thi Sach in District 1. They've also got chili burgers. It comes with thick steak fries and will put you back about 100,000 dong, so I only go about once a month. But it's worth it. The bonus: You can watch the "CNN" or episodes of the West Wing on DVD.

[rudysw2]

Cafe Central burger on Nguyen Hue. Hit n miss with the buns, though: proper sesame seed buns on occasion, crap sweet Chinese bakery buns most of the time.

Just found this site. Ootstanding. I had no idea... Long, long time since we had a chat; early 80s, Black Lion, Norfaaaamptun..?

[pieman]

Mogambo's is on the list mr. diacritic - cheers. Cafe Central, not one I know - noted - cheers. As for the Black Lion, did I buy something dodgy from you? did we meet there? or are you that chap I used to work with in Saigon??? If you are - let's do a beer sometime.

[cd_gen2004]

I was at Saigon Underground once. I ordered my NY steak and a glass of Merlot. They burned my steak to the un-recognizable state, and frozen my drink. They even asked me if I want more ice for my drink!. LOL. Worse of all, they brought my food up for more than 15’ before they serve my friends’ food. Bad resto in my book.